Relationships are either heaven or hell. Sometimes both. Making relationships last mystifies the most sincere seeker and the most casual. One out of every two marriages in America today ends in divorce, and many that do survive do so only in a state of armed truce.The problems begin long before marriage. Couples who began their dating relationships starry-eyed and dreamy all too often end them red-eyed and dismayed.Girlfriends and boyfriends, who were certain theirs was the romance of the century, find themselves shot down in flames for reasons they do not understand. Among high school and college students, the habit of breaking up is so frequent that some avoid dating just to avoid the hurt.In the last 10 years, during my travels to hundreds of colleges and high schools, the response to my question "how are relationships going here?" has grown increasingly negative.Sadly, there is a hint of hopelessness about it. As students watch their peers, siblings, and parents struggle with relationships which frequently terminate, they develop a "what's the use?" mentality. "How can my relationship succeed," they reason, "when those of so many people I look up to fail?"Hopefully, this article will be helpful in examining some of the causes and cures of such unnecessary splits. I will highlight five reasons couples break up and try to offer some hope to stem the tide.REASON ..1: Sweeping Cultural and Structural ChangesThe sweeping cultural and structural changes which have occurred in society in the last 80 years have contributed to higher levels of break up.In 1910, 80 percent of Americans lived in rural areas. Today, 80 percent live in urban areas. One out of every five Americans moves every year. City life and relocation stress are just two factors that have put additional pressure on couples. The faster paced city life forces people to try to build relationships quicker. However, no matter how much one want to do it differently, relationships only grow strong and deep when built slowly and steadily. And so, haste in relationships tends to build weaker ones, which are easily broken.Eighty years ago many marriages were practical in nature. Today, they are primarily social. That is, in 1910 Mom and Dad to keep her from being an old maid. Dad needed Mom to help him run the farm and bear children to assist economically. Today, however, questions such as -- Do I look good with her? Does he look good with me? Are we sexually good together? How will she fit with my family? Do we have the same tastes? -- are paramount. When the answers to these questions change, the relationship changes.A third factor in this category is the rise of the commerce-centred marriage versus the home-centred marriage. In the past, couples primarily related around the home environment. Often, they would eat all three meals together. Today, of course, it is considered unusual to eat even three dinners together in a week. Business and professions compete strongly for the time needed to establish relationships. Again, when time is shortened, relationships suffer.A final point is the rise of new motivational factors in the last eight decades. Sex and money are two of these. I call them new not because they have not existed in the past, but because of their tremendous rise in prominence.Sex, of course, has always been a major part of relationships, but today it has become the only part for many couples. Sex saturates our advertising, media and cultural mindset. Few products are sold without using it. As a consequence, the sexual aspect of relationships assumes unrealistic and unrealized proportions. Inevitably disappointment results; having no other basis than sex, relationships end.Money has always been important in a relationship, but today financial security is urged as an absolute necessity. Prenuptial agreements abound, palimony suits multiply, and everyone covets financial self-protection. Let's face it. A prenuptial agreement is a lousy way to begin a long-term relationship. It basically says, "We don't expect this to last." Whenever you assume an escape hatch, it won't be long before someone decides to take it.Certainly much has changed in our society to put stress on relationships in eighty years. How do we adapt? We cannot change the culture, so we must change the way we think.One piece of advice is this: take it gradually. Few relationships fail because they are built too slowly. Take time, converse, communicate. View your partner as a person, not just as an object that makes you feel good. If you want fast food, you will get it cheap and in a paper box. If you want a feast, you must prepare it lovingly and slowly, but it will last a long time.